Marcia L Buckingham wrote:

Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.

Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the
wrong way.

You might be an engineer if ...

... choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is
a moral dilemma.

... you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine
room.

... in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.

... the sales people at the local computer store can't answer any of
your questions

... at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.

... you bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday.

... you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.

... you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own
handwriting.

... you comment to your wife/husband that their straight hair is nice
and parallel.

... you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the
special

effects.

... you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.

... you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.

... you know what http:// stands for.

... you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys
together.

... you see a good design and still have to change it.

... you spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.

... you still own a slide rule and know how to use it.

... you think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.

... you window shop at Radio Shack

... your laptop computer costs more than your car.

... your wife/husband hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.

... you've already calculated how much you make per second.

... you've tried to repair a $5 radio.

Subject:        Engineers....

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on
 display.  While he was there, another customer walked in and said to
 the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey please."

 The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop
 and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the
 customer, saying, "That'll be $5000." The customer paid and walked
 out with his monkey.

 Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That
 was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few = hundred
 dollars.  Why did it cost so much?"

 The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very
 fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."

 The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even
 more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?"

 "Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented
 programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful
 stuff," said the shopkeeper.

 The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey
 in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He
 gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the other
 put together! What on earth does it do?"

 The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do
 anything, but it says it's an engineer."

 *************************************

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.  It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and landed on "Science & Nature." Her question
was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you
hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

-=+=-

The blonde reported for her university final examination which
consisted of "yes/no" type questions.  She took her seat in the
examination hall, stared at the question paper for five minutes, and
then in a fit of inspiration took her purse out, removed a coin and
started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for
Heads and No for Tails.  Within half an hour she was all done
whereas the rest of the class was still sweating it out.

During the last few minutes, she was seen desperately throwing the
coin, muttering and sweating.  The moderator, alarmed, approached
her and asked what was going on.  Her reply was "I finished the exam
in half and hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."

Marcia is the cute blond sitting next to me in this picture on the right. 
My wife Robin is behind me. Laura is on the left with Tracy behind her.
Finn is on the other side of me and Chuck and Ed are in the dark :-)
Since Marcia was a shuttle inspector for NASA for years she now runs 
a workshop at SnF on good wiring practices.

Paul Lamar
 
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